Changed For Good
by Revvie-S
Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Sam is missing and Jack is struggling to let go and move on. Romance!


Changed For Good 

Jack bolted upright in bed, throwing the crumpled sheet on the floor, and leapt to his feet. Covered in sweat, he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands as if to erase the dream images that seemed so real.

He didn't have the dream as often now.

Seventeen months had gone by since the event that so haunted him. He restlessly left the unlit bedroom without looking back, in spite of the early hour, determined to distract himself from the memories with strong coffee and toast. But even as he methodically measured the grounds and water, flashes of that terrible day came back before his waking eyes so that he cried aloud.

"Stop!"

Had it really been seventeen months?

Well, seventeen months, two weeks and one day, if you counted this morning.

That was another thing he couldn't seem to stop: obsessively counting the time since he had last seen Sam alive.

He knew he wasn't the only one; just last week Daniel had accurately mentioned how long it had been. Daniel had mentioned it in the context of urging Jack to let go and move on, a favorite theme of his lately.

'Let go of what?' Jack thought bitterly.

He now fiercely regretted how he had handled his relationship with Sam, holding her at arms length and going out of his way to be military with her, and for what? To prove to his coworkers and himself that he didn't have feelings for her?

Now that she was gone none of that mattered. It had become painfully clear to him that Sam had been an emotional anchor in his life, one he had heavily relied on without realizing it until she was gone.

Jack threw out his tepid coffee after a few sips and decided to go into the mountain a bit early.

Okay, really early.

He threw on fatigues and ran his hands through his silver hair. It didn't take him long to lace up his boots and pour a fresh cup of coffee for the road. As he locked the door and crossed the driveway in the chilly morning light, he glanced at the covered car at the top of his drive.

Sam's.

He'd kept her car, and every time he looked at it, a ray of hope shot through him, for he would imagine her pleased smile as she reclaimed it some day.

The only way he could cope with her loss was to cling to the belief that they would some day recover her.

The first month had been so hard for him that, after Sam's memorial service and the sad exercise of cleaning out her house with the rest of the team, Jack had asked for a leave of absence and left Colorado Springs. Hoping that a change of scenery would help him cope with the loss, he had all but moved permanently to his cabin in Minnesota.

General Hammond was reassigned back to Stargate Command as Acting General in O'Neill's absence, but then launched his own personal campaign to get O'Neill back on board, even showing up unannounced with a fishing tackle box at the front door of Jack's cabin one morning.

Jack agreed to return to his command but he and Hammond worked out a few changes. Jack wanted to be out on field missions more often now, on the off chance that something would surface indicating Sam's fate.

So Jack had returned, still a General, but back leading SG1 on many of their field missions.

He and Hammond worked well together; in fact, even better than they had before, and it was understood and accepted at the SGC that O'Neill and Hammond were running the facility in tandem. For Jack, the return of General Hammond had given him some extra support and stability at a time when that was just what he sorely needed, whether he would admit it or not, just as he had needed Hammond to pull him out of his self-imposed isolation and get back into his life.

But although he was back commanding at the SGC, getting on with his life wasn't that easy.

* * *

Sam woke slowly and fuzzily, trying to remember where she was.

The stone walls around her looked disturbingly like Baal's dungeon. She bolted off the pallet she had slept on, suddenly sure in her heart that she was in his dungeon, until consciousness came upon her more fully and she remembered the rescue and the people with whom she now lived.

She had been in Baal's fortress for six months and even now wasn't sure how she had survived. After the disastrous mission to P84-236, she had awakened in a Goa'uld sarcophagus. It hadn't taken her long to realize that meant her team must have left her for dead.

The nightmare of her imprisonment had been happily ended by the race of people with whom she now stayed, as they had found a way into the dungeon and spirited off their own imprisoned soldiers, taking her as well.

They called themselves the Kawans. Their civilization was advanced but not nearly as advanced as the Goa'uld, of whom they lived in fear and in hiding. Consequently Sam's quarters were in a concealed fortress, dark and stony, with small, irregularly shaped windows letting in a minimum of light so as not to be noticed from without.

Sam gathered up her clothes for the day and went to wash herself, being careful to not disturb those sleeping around her.

There was very little privacy here, and life was spartan, but not primitive. Sam had not been out of their fortress much in the last year of her life here, but she knew the Stargate, which the Kawans called the stone ring, was a two day walk from this outpost that she had been brought to with the other recovering prisoners.

Sam was very hopeful that she would finally get to the Stargate in the next few days.

The Kawans felt that the reduced activity of the Jaffa in the area would finally allow them to take Sam to her heart's desire and constant request, the Kawani Stargate. It was several days' journey, however, and Sam had attempted the trek twice before, only to be disappointed when the situation had become too dangerous to proceed.

If she ever got back, Sam was going to make sure the Kawans got the help they needed to fight the Goa'uld.

When. When she got back, she corrected her thoughts.

The more time that went by, the more desperately Sam clung to her belief that she would one day find her way home again.

* * *

"Daniel, tell me again what we will be looking for on this world?" Jack sighed.

Another archeological expedition. Maybe he was letting Daniel have too much latitude. Then again, hadn't Daniel been calling the shots for years?

Either him or Sam...they had always made it easy for him to be in command.

"We're looking for more evidence that a human civilization lived there at one time or is still there, because the long range reconnaissance has seen ruins not far from the Gate. The indication is that the Gate is not guarded currently."

"SG1, you are scheduled to embark this morning in one hour," General Hammond announced as he strode into the briefing room to join the three remaining members of SG1.

"Yes sir," Jack said without enthusiasm.

"Get ready."

"Yes sir," they said together and moved off to the locker room. Daniel hurried to catch up to Jack, who seemed even more withdrawn than was usual for him.

"You okay, Jack?" Daniel said softly.

"I guess. I didn't get much sleep last night."

Jack turned to Daniel as they reached their lockers.

"I had the dream again." Jack slipped on his vest and grabbed his cap and pack. Daniel nodded wordlessly, and laid his hand momentarily on his friend's shoulder.

"So, there's a possibility of hostiles but none have been detected by probe?" Jack queried, all business now.

"Right. There seemed to be an abandoned settlement near the Gate, and ruins of a larger structure several miles further, but no sign of living beings yet."

"Teal'C, pack some extra C-4 and P90 clips, my pack's already loaded up."

"Already packed, O'Neill."

"You guys sure love to blow stuff up," Daniel sighed.

" The Goa'uld are unpredictable, DanielJackson," Teal'C responded calmly.

"And, yes, we do," agreed Jack.

The Gate whooshed open as the team finished adjusting their equipment. General Hammond stood with them as they waited for his go ahead. Hammond patted Jack's shoulder.

"Report in 24 hours. You're good to go."

Another typical planet, thought Jack, as he surveyed the trees and cold mist. They were almost to the ruins Daniel had noted on the reconnaissance data, and had seen no sign of any life yet. Daniel stopped suddenly.

"Jack, footprints."

The Jaffa became instantly alert and knelt to inspect the imprints. Jack and Daniel looked around with weapons ready as Teal'C analyzed the tracks.

"These are many days old, O'Neill. They are made by a soft shoe, such as one made with animal skin. They are not Goa'uld or Jaffa."

"Well, Daniel, I'd say that answers your question about life on this planet. Stay sharp, everyone."

"Yeah!"

Daniel was perking up as he rose to survey the horizon.

"Let's get up to the ruins."

The three moved out quietly, alert and cautious, towards the site Daniel wanted to survey, the only sound the dripping of the mist in the forest surrounding them.

Sam was cold from her head to her toes as she and her party walked relentlessly on towards the Gate. Her heart was light however, for this time she could just feel they were going to make it. The Goa'uld seemed to have left the planet for now, although there was no way to know when they would return.

The last two nights had been spent in Kawan outposts, expertly hidden along the route and surprisingly comfortable. Last night's outpost had been manned by another clan of Kawans who had treated them with great hospitality, for so rare was it in these troubled times for the people of this planet to venture out to visit each other.

The evening had been one of quiet joy and fellowship.

Sam pulled her cloak tighter to her body and tried to keep up with her companions. Ever since her ordeal she was weaker than she had ever been and it frustrated her to no end.

The leader stopped and put his hand up, and the small band gathered around him.

"Tassar," he said, pointing to the horizon. Sam could see a crumbled wall sticking up above the treeline where Lathan was pointing. "It doesn't look inhabited," Sam said worriedly.

"It may no longer be. This settlement would have been very exposed to hostiles, for it is near the gate and visible from far away. We have not heard from our brethren here in some time."

"Oh," Sam said with a sinking heart.

She hadn't even thought about the possibility that Tassar was a ghost town.

"But the Gate?"

"…is not far from Tassar. Come, we can reach it before night." Lathan moved on and the group followed cautiously and silently. As they approached the edge of the ruined settlement, Lathan again stopped the group with a hand signal and bent to the ground. He pointed at the unmistakable print of several boots, obviously fresh, and his eyes were full of alarm.

Without being told, the group fanned out and continued stealthily approaching the open area surrounding the ruins. Lathan was shocked when Sam suddenly gasped and stepped out of the group.

"No, Sam!" he hissed, but she was already working her way across the clearing calling names he didn't know.

Three men in strange outfits were now running towards her.

Lathan motioned his group to step out into the open, for he recognized Sam's behavior as that of happy recognition. He stared in amazement as the four converged on each other in a riotous embrace.

* * *

"What exactly are you looking for?" Jack asked for the second time as Daniel continued to slowly inspect every inch of the walls and structure. There were no inner chambers or rooms left from whatever event had destroyed the fortress, and Jack couldn't see anything left to be interested in.

But Daniel, of course, had found plenty, so here they waited while he poked and pored his way around the abandoned settlement.

"I'm looking for signs of how recently this site has been visited, for anything Gou'ald- you know, the usual," Daniel answered distractedly without looking up.

Jack breathed out noisily and removed his pack to get a candy bar. He might as well do something worthwhile until Daniel was ready. He knew there would be no rushing him unless danger presented itself.

Teal'C, situated on the perimeter, called Jack on the radio.

"O'Neill, there is movement in the treeline," he whispered.

Instantly alert, Daniel and Jack readied their weapons and crept to the edge of the ruined wall to peer over the top. The movement had stopped. Jack signaled Teal'C to approach the trees as Jack himself came around the back of the wall and began to cross the open area as well, keeping low to the ground.

But no sooner had they left the cover of the wall when the cloaked figure of a woman stepped from the trees, called out, and hesitantly walked in their direction.

Jack felt a jolt of adrenaline as he recognized her immediately. She was thinner, and her hair was longer and tied back, but it was unquestionably Sam.

She had already seen them and was calling their names as she picked her way across the rocky clearing. He dropped his P90 to hang at his waist and ran towards her.

The reunion had a surreal quality to it, for he had dreamed of this moment for over a year and a half and yet it was happening so suddenly and so without warning that his mind couldn't grasp it.

He reached her at the same time as Teal'C and Daniel and the resulting collision of arms and bodies and faces was balm for their souls. Sam's head found Jack's shoulder in the midst of the happy chaos and as her forehead slid in along his cheek he felt the missing pieces of his life click smoothly back into place as all was instantly right again.

He couldn't seem to let go of her.

"Sam," he choked out, heedless of his teammates also crowded around her. She answered with a joyful sob andcrushed him to her with all the strength her too-thin arms could muster.

As the intensity of the moment began to ease, Jack found himself tangled in Sam's arms with hersoft cheek snug against his, while a group of what had to be the indigenous people surrounded them smiling and laughing.

Daniel was crying and laughing at the same time and even Teal'C looked suspiciously misty-eyed. Only then did Jack realize he was crying too as he looked around the circle at the strangers who were obviously Sam's friends. Daniel had already begun introducing himself, but Jack focused only on Sam for now.

"Are you okay?" he asked when he could trust his voice. He held her at arm's length and inspected her.

"I am now," she answered, beaming through tears of happiness.

"Where have you been?"

"It's a long story. These people rescued me from Baal's prison. I've been here with them for over a year."

"Were you unable to contact Earth in all that time?"

"Like I said, sir, it's a long story."

"You do want to go home, don't you?"

Jack felt a twinge of uncertainty, as the reality of their reunion began to sink in. There was so much he didn't know about the last year and a half.

"More than anything," Sam cried out and reached out to embrace him again. "I was so afraid I'd never see you again. This is incredible."

She felt his grip on her tighten almost painfully.

"Yes, it is," he agreed. "Let's go home."

As he released her, Teal'C grabbed her up in a thorough bear hug with a very un-Jaffa-like grin on his face.

Sam leaned into him and began crying again. She felt like she was already home.

The briefing had been over an hour now, and Sam was beginning to visibly sag from weariness. After telling General O'Neill and General Hammond the details of her Kawani stay and their needs for defense against the Goa'uld, they were now discussing the particulars of Sam's homecoming.

Coming home had been her goal for so long she had never thought about what it would be like to return to Earth after being presumed dead for over a year. Her house was sold, she was told, and the guys said they expected that the proceeds were in her brother Mark's bank account. Her air force commission was retired. She didn't even have quarters on base, although Jack had sent orderlies to immediately set up one of the VIP rooms for Sam's temporary use.

The reality of being a non-person back on Earth was shocking and disorienting. She was still reeling from the emotional impact of the reunion and how quickly she had then simply stepped through the Stargate,leaving one world for another. She just couldn't begin to deal with the rest right now.

She felt her teammates' eyes on her as they watched her with affection and concern, each trying to imagine how he would feel in the same situation.

"I'm putting SG1 on downtime for the rest of the week, folks," Hammond announced by way of dismissal as he stood up.

"I think I'm going to go get some rest now, sir," Sam said, looking around at them all.

"This is a lot to – take in. Maybe it will be clearer in the morning." She looked exhausted and sad.

"Of course, Sam. You're in Room 7 on this level," Jack read from a note just handed to him by one of the S.F.s.

"Dismissed." Jack gave his teammates a meaning-filled look as he stood and offered to walk Sam to her room.

Daniel smiled a little to himself. Jack had been so different since they had found Sam, it would have been amusing if it hadn't been just so purely heartwarming to see Jack acting like his old self again.

Sam looked lost as she tentatively took a few steps towards the door and then paused to look back at her teammates. Noticing her uncertainty, Jack was by her side in a flash, smiling encouragingly down on her, pointing her in the direction of her newly assigned quarters.

Daniel said good night as Jack steered her out the door and down the hall towards the VIP suites. Sam walked slowly as she looked up and down the familiar corridors of the base, reacquainting herself.

"Sam, I kept your car for you," Jack offered, trying to think of something to cheer her up. It worked.

"You did?" She smiled broadly for the first time since they had stepped through the Gate.

"So, I'm not totally erased."

"Actually, I kept a lot of your stuff," Jack said even more quietly.

"You did?" Sam looked surprised and pleased.

He hadn't let anyone know how many of Sam's things he had managed to hold onto after cleaning out her house with the team.

Jack just had always thought- hoped, believed, dreamed- she would be found again. He had never really believed her to be dead, even though he had seen her fall that day and watched the Gou'ald take her body away.

"Like what?" Sam asked.

"Well- you'll see. I'll show you tomorrow, if you want."

"Yeah, I want. Thank you so much, Jack. I already feel a lot better. It's just so weird, you know? I'm home, but I'm not really home yet."

"Yes you are," Jack retorted. "And I'm never going to let you leave again. Here's your room, so get some sleep, okay? I'll be back in the morning to pick you up."

Sam smiled and nodded.

'Never going to let you leave again'- that sure didn't sound like the Colonel O'Neill she had left 17 months ago.

She stopped as she reached the door of the VIP room and put a hand on the doorknob as she looked up at Jack, reluctant to let him out of her sight after so long a separation.

"Good night."

"Night, Sam." His eyes boring into hers told her that he was equally reluctant to part with her, and a portion of her heart that had been locked away all these months began to reemerge.

Sam woke early the next morning, in the dark of the mountain, momentarily panicked, unable to place where she was.

It had been a common occurrence on the planet for her to wake up disoriented and afraid, but she had never gotten used to it.

As she sat on the edge of the bed, she gradually calmed down and willed herself to figure out where she was.

Finally she was awake enough to remember yesterday's unbelievable events.

She was back on Earth, inside Cheyenne mountain, in a VIP room.

That's right.

Still rattled, she felt around for the light and clicked it on, then got up and splashed her face with cold water. She had nothing to change into, having slept in her T shirt, so she slipped back into her tattered Kawan outfit and shoes and opened the door, intending to go get some breakfast in the commissary.

The SF stationed at her door snapped to attention. Sam balked.

"Why am I under guard?"

"General's order, ma'am. I'm to escort you where you want to go."

"How about some breakfast?" Sam queried.  
Okay, this was weird.

Was she for some reason considered a security risk?

She tentatively stepped out into the hall and turned in the direction of the cafeteria only to find her own personal guard two steps behind her the whole way. Once she got to the cafeteria, she got in line and turned to the SF.

"Um, do you mind waiting by the door? I think I can pick out my breakfast by myself."

"Yes, ma'am," he responded, slightly abashed, and Sam found herself relatively alone as she finished getting a doughnut and a cup of coffee.

She slipped into a chair against the wall, unwilling to attract any more attention. Luckily, the room was still empty except for a few personnel just getting off duty and looking too tired to care who was there.

"Sam!"

Daniel had come in and now sat himself across from her with a steaming mug, looking red-eyed and mussed.

"Wow, it's so good to see you sitting in here again. How'd you sleep?"

"Not too great, actually. I'm glad to see you too. I missed you."

She looked at the floor and then smiled at Daniel. "But, you feel a little..."

"...like I'm in culture shock, I guess," she finished for him.  
"I've got an SF following me around. Why?"

"Yeah, I know. Jack told me. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. It probably won't be for long. I think it's just to make sure you're okay- the Generals are worried about you."

Daniel took a long sip of coffee and then reached over to take Sam's hand. "It's really good to have you back. I still can't believe it."

"Me either. I-I don't really know what to do with myself. I guess my lab is no longer 'my' lab, huh? Where should I go?"

Daniel patted her hand.

"You'll probably have your lab back by the end of the day, if I know Hammond. I've never seen him so perky. And why don't you come help me this morning? I've got some really cool stuff to show you from the dig on your planet."

"Uh, thanks, but no thanks, Daniel. I am grateful to the Kawans but I don't really want to see any of their artifacts just yet. I-I'm sorry. I can't explain why."

Sam looked lost again, and Daniel kicked himself inwardly for suggesting it, although he wasn't exactly sure what had just happened.

"It's okay. Just come by whenever. Can I get you more coffee?" Daniel pointed to the bar behind them.

"Sure," Sam agreed. Daniel grabbed her mug.

"Hey, Sam, you're up early," Jack greeted her as he too sat down at the table. She hadn't seen him approach but her spirits lifted as soon as she heard his voice.

"Well, somebody offered to take me out of here for a while," Sam reminded him.

"That's right, they did," Jack responded pertly.

"Here's your refill, Sam. Morning, Jack," Daniel rejoined the group.

"Morning, Daniel. What are you up to today?"

"Right now I'm spending time with one of my long-lost friends," Daniel observed, his eyes on Sam. "But I've got a lab full of stuff from Kawan waiting for me."

"Well, I've got a date with one of your friend- ready, Sam? We'll have to stop by Hammond's office first."

And get permission to take out the nonperson, Sam thought .  
"See you later, then?" Daniel asked.

"Sure thing, bye Daniel." Sam got up and followed Jack out the door. "I can't wait to get up top. I just want to breathe the air again, and see the mountains!"

Sam's eyes were beginning to regain some of their sparkle.

After meeting briefly with Hammond, Jack lost no time signing out himself and Sam.

Soon they were driving along the interstate in Jack's truck, not speaking, as Sam took time to absorb the sights and smells and sounds of Earth. The sky was deep blue and the sun seemed impossibly bright, as though nature was on its best behavior for the returned traveler.

As Sam sat in contentment looking out of the window of the truck, closing her eyes as the sun bathed her face, Jack glanced over at her time and again, feeling the same sense of rightness that had settled over him when he had first seen her again.

The newness of her return hit him as he took in the rusty colored alien shift and loose BDU pants she was still wearing. He realized it must be all she owned right now, and he congratulated himself for packing some of her clothes in with the other things of hers he had stubbornly kept.

Sam suddenly looked over at him and, catching his eyes on her, smiled self-consciously.

"I'm staring again, I know. It's just so incredible to see you sitting right here, Sam. You look great."

Jack's voice was very uncommander-like and Sam wasn't sure how to respond.

This wasn't the Jack O'Neill she was accustomed to. He was mostly the same but something was different, something in his attitude toward her had changed. She couldn't quite figure it out.

She didn't have to say anything, though, because at that moment Jack pulled into his driveway and yanked up the emergency brake.

"Here we are," he announced and jumped out.

Sam got out slowly, looking around at his house and yard. She'd been here for a couple of Daniel's wakes, and maybe one or two other times, but it still wasn't very familiar.

"C'mon, Sam, come in," Jack invited, noticing her unsure posture.

"Coming," she answered.

The hallway opened up into a comfortable living room and she sank into the sofa as Jack went to get them a drink in the kitchen.

"What do you want?"

"Water, please." She heard ice and water splashing into the glasses and then he was back, standing next to her as she sat on the sofa, handing her a glass.

"So, whatcha thinking?" Jack probed.

She seemed so quiet, he wasn't sure what to do. The lost look was back in her eyes.

"Just thinking that I didn't expect to feel so out of place when I finally got home, I guess." Sam toyed with the ice cubes in her glass. Jack heart ached for her as he watched her downcast expression.

"What's making you feel out of place, Sam?"

His tone of voice was so full of care that Sam relaxed and turned towards him where he stood by the fireplace.

She hesitated; sharing her personal life with Jack would have been unthinkable before her disappearance. But for right now he was the only person with whom she felt comfortable talking.

"I tried to call Pete last night, but the number I know was changed to a new number. And THAT phone number was answered by a woman. I shouldn't have... but I hung up without asking for him." Sam looked dejectedly at her feet. She looked up again curiously after she realized Jack had been silent for a while.

"It has been a long time, you know," Jack said guardedly.

He slowly sat down next to her, watching her with eyes that looked suspiciously empathetic.

"You know something," Sam whispered.

"There's no easy way to say this. He's married. I'm sorry, Sam."

Jack watched her with concerned eyes.

Sam looked up with a shocked face, then her gaze softened into unfocused sadness.

"Don't be sorry."

She was silent, staring down at the rug, as she digested this information.

Jack watched and waited as sorrow, anger, and finally acceptance flashed across her face.

"I thought the reason he asked me to marry him so quickly was that he was so in love with me. But maybe it was the idea of being married he was in love with. How else can he have met someone and already be married in eighteen months? To be fair though, I guess there wasn't as much between us as I thought. In all these months I've hardly thought about him."

Sam shook her head, then looked at Jack.

"I've been looking forward to finding my way home for so long. Now that I'm here, I don't know what to do next. Everything and everybody's changed."

"Have I changed?" Jack looked unsure.

"Yes. No. Well, you seem to be acting differently towards me. I don't know what to think, or feel."

Sam closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of the couch, feeling like she couldn't put into words the chaos she was feeling.

Jack sat silently next to her, trying to think of a way to explain to her the one thing he knew had changed- his slow realization over the time she was missing that she was much more than a colleague to him.

"Sam. When you were gone, every thing was- all wrong. It made me realize just how important you are to me. Really important. I've spent all these months trying not to think about what I would do if you never came back. And when we found you alive, well- I-I'm sorry if I've made you feel weird."

Jack looked over at her cautiously to see her reaction. Without saying hardly anything, he'd said a lot.

Sam was smiling back, a new light in her eyes as she regarded him hopefully.

"You don't make me feel weird. Truth is, I'm glad you feel that way."

"Good."

Sam scooted over next to him, slipping her arms around his waist with a contented sigh. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

Something painfully tight inside Sam unwound as Jack held her, stroking her back with a feathery touch, and she allowed the newfound contentment to seep through her troubled soul.

Returning home was not as easy as she had expected, but she found encouragement and strength in Jack's confession to her.

"You kept my car and my things for me," Sam whispered happily.

It suddenly hit her how incredibly sweet that was of Jack, and how telling of his feelings for her, no matter how well he had masked them in the past.

He'd waited for her when Pete hadn't.

Grateful for the steady friendship and trust of the man next to her, she closed her eyes and rested in his embrace.

Jack slowly pulled back after a long moment.

"So, you wanna visit your stuff? It's in the attic," Jack offered, his warm eyes alight with anticipation.

He stood up.

"C'mon."

The day went by quickly. First Sam opened several boxes of her clothes, books, journals, pictures, and her motorcycle helmet and gloves. Jack had carefully packed up some of her favorite china and glassware, even a favorite teapot that had sat in her kitchen on the window sill. In the garage sat her motorcycle, and her car was under a tarp in the drive.

Her nonperson status was rapidly evaporating as she rediscovered the little things she had loved before.

In the afternoon she took a break to use Jack's shower and change into clean, fresh clothes for the first time in way too long. She lingered in the shower so long that the water was beginning to be less than hot when she finally got out.

By evening, Sam had worked up her courage to call her brother Mark, who according to Jack had sold her house for her, and break the news to him that she was alive and had returned. The cover story she had worked up with the help of General Hammond and Jack was that she had been on an undercover mission gone bad but had recently been rescued. It sounded melodramatic and she knew Mark wouldn't buy it, but the truth sounded even more farfetched, so what could she do?

Jack sat in the room with her at her request as she talked to her brother, explaining patiently over and over that she was back, she was okay, and reciting the bogus cover story until she wanted to scream.

Finally she hung up.

"Well, I guess now I just wait for him to process all that." Sam sighed. "I'm not sure he even believed it was really me at first. He'll eventually land on his feet and sign my house money over to me. He's a good guy. If he hasn't already spent it, that is. Luckily this will be a lot easier to explain to Dad once we get in touch with the Tok'Ra."

"Anyone ever tell you your family is pretty odd, Major?" Jack fell back into the commanding officer mode of address to rib her.

"Well, including me. I'm the one who's been dead for over a year. How is that any less odd than a brother who hates the military and a father who's half-alien?"

They both chuckled.

"Let's get something to eat, whatdya say we call Teal'C and Daniel to meet us at China King?"

"Great, I'm starving!"

Back in her VIP room on base that night, Sam paced restlessly, unable to sleep. The walls felt like they were closing in on her. She forced herself to lie on the bed and closed her eyes, but as soon as she drifted off to sleep a vivid nightmare of her time in Baal's fortress woke her up in a cold sweat.

Blinking back tears she turned on the bedside lamp and sat on the edge of the bed. The alarm clock lay in pieces on the floor where she had obviously knocked it down during her dream. Even now the images from her dream played before her waking eyes like a movie stuck on one scene. Sam decided to stop fighting her sleeplessness and got up.

So much was on her mind that needed to be sorted out, so she crossed the room to the computer on the desk and began writing out her thoughts, hoping it would help her feel less knotted up inside.

An hour or more later, she finally felt sleep creeping up on her and laid back down to succumb to much needed rest. The morning would come soon and then she could begin putting the pieces of her life back together one by one.

Morning came early, and Sam was grateful to wake up from a few hours of sleep not plagued by nightmares.

Today, in addition to the list she had created for herself the night before, there was to be a briefing to begin the process of deciding when and where to get Sam back into the SGC. She was nervous.

The infirmary doctor, Dr. Berkley, was going to check her over first, and Sam knew the nightmares would have to be reported but would be a barrier between her and resuming active duty. She couldn't risk an episode on a mission; it could potentially endanger the whole team. She was still recovering her strength from the ordeal she had been through, and she knew the doctor wouldn't miss the old injuries from her imprisonment that still caused her some trouble.

A brisk knock on the door that she knew was Jack's distinctive pattern interrupted her brooding thoughts.

"Hi General," she said as she opened the door.

"Good morning, Carter! How'd you sleep?"

"Not so good," she grimaced.

"It's not unusual, Sam. It'll get better. I was just going to get some breakfast- hungry?"

"Yes, come in for a minute while I get my shoes on," and she opened the door wider.

Jack slipped in and leaned against the wall while Sam sat on the bed and tied her boots. "You having nightmares?" He asked, cocking his head at her knowingly.

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"Hey, I was in Baal's prison for a while, too. Sometimes, I still have flashbacks."

"Flashbacks is the right word. They are more vivid than nightmares, and it's stuff that really happened."

"They will fade, but it will be hard for a while. If you wanna talk about it-"

"Not really."

"No sweat. I'm here if you change your mind though. Ready to go?"

"Yeah. Let's go." She stood up and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "I really need a haircut."

"I don't know, it's kinda cute."

After getting their trays, they found Teal'C and Daniel already at a table so they sat with them.

Sam felt warm inside as the team talked about little things and joked with each other. She had missed this so much. She appreciated their care for her as they asked her about her family, and about her thoughts and feelings upon hearing the news about Pete.

Daniel mentioned that he was in negotiations now with the Kawans and Sam smiled as she listened to the developing alliance with the people who had come to mean so much to her.

But when Daniel suggested she accompany them on the upcoming mission to trade technology on Kawan, she frowned and cleared her throat. Wiping a crumb from her lap, she glanced at the clock above the doorway.

"I gotta go guys. Hammond wants to see me about a job."

Sam smiled and left the table.

"That was strange," Daniel said, a bit hurt, after she was gone.

"I guess it's going to take a while for her to be herself again."

"She's going to be fine," Jack said with more certainty than he felt.

General Hammond was waiting for her, and got up to escort her in and shut the door.

She sat down, almost too afraid to look him in the face. But he immediately put her at ease with questions about how she was doing and telling her how glad he was to have his star scientist back. By the end of their discussion, Sam had been assigned a lab again and was authorized as a civilian scientist with all the clearances she needed to continue working in the Stargate program. It was a big step, although the question of her military commission being reinstated and whether she could rejoin SG1 were not resolved.

"Once Dr. Berkley has had a look at you and given me her evaluation of your overall fitness, we'll discuss your status further, Sam. My reticence in getting you fully back on board is only out of concern for you. You've been through a lot and I want you to take your time to fully recover. Glad to have you back."

Later that afternoon, after a lengthy visit to the infirmary, Sam finally got a chance to review her list and decided the first thing to do was find a place to live.

The base housing had never been very attractive to her, but staying in the VIP room was just too impersonal. She picked up the phone and called Mark again.

It was late that night, as Jack was dozing off in front of the TV, when his phone rang. It was Sam.

"Hey, Carter, what's up?"

Jack was glad to finally hear from her, as he had been wondering all day how her meetings had gone.

"I wanted to let you know I am working for the SGC again as of next week, but not on SG1, yet. General Hammond has cleared me as a civilian research scientist and I have a lab again."

"Great! I can come bug you now."

"Anytime! And, General, I have a favor to ask," Sam ventured.

"Sure, what?"

"Mark is going to wire me the house money, and I need to set up a bank account and do some house hunting. I was hoping I could have my car?"

"Well, sure, you can have your car, but if you want some company, we've all got a few days of leave left. How about I come get you tomorrow morning?"

"I'd like that."

He could hear relief in her voice and knew he'd said what she wanted to hear.

"See you tomorrow, then?"

"See you. Good night, Sam- sleep well."

The next day was exhausting for Sam as she and Jack went about the business of getting Sam's life operative again. By mid-afternoon, as they were leaving a realtor's office, Sam called a halt to the busy schedule she had set for herself.

"I think I need to rest, Jack, for a while. I'm so tired."

She looked tired and discouraged, even though they had been successful in setting up her bank account and in beginning her search for a new place to live. Not yet fully recovered from all that had happened to her, she had reached her limit for the day.

Jack looked over at her as he drove and saw the fatigue on her face. Soon they were back at Jack's house, where the sofa had never looked so inviting.

Sam crashed immediately.

Jack tucked a warm quilt around her and his features softened as he studied her sleeping face. He could almost fall asleep himself, he realized; watching her was making him feel tired.

After sitting there for a while and coming close to dozing off, Jack decided a better use of his time would be to see if there was anything edible in his kitchen that could pass for dinner for when Sam woke up. He went out to the sink and cleaned up before starting his quest.  
He had just about given up on his search for potential dinner ingredients and had begun leafing through the pizza menus piled near the phone when he heard Sam cry out and heard something crash to the floor. He looked into the den from the kitchen doorway and saw Sam swing at the air, her water glass already broken on the floor next to the couch.

Jack was by her side in a few long strides and grasped her by the shoulders, carefully raising her to a sitting position.

He'd had enough nightmares of his own to instantly realize what was happening.

"Sam?" Jack called her gently.

She cried out again and tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

"You're having a dream, Sam. It's not real, okay? C'mon, open your eyes."

Jack rubbed her shoulders as she struggled to open her eyes, gasping and fighting him weakly.

"I'm home, right? I'm on Earth," she whispered to herself. Tears were on her cheeks but she was calming down.

"That's right, Sam. You're home, it's just a dream." She opened her eyes to the sight of Jack's worried face filling her line of sight.

"I'm sorry," she said, feeling a bit embarrassed now that she was fully awake.

"Hey, nothing to be sorry for. You okay now?"

Sam rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands and sighed. She nodded in response.

Standing up and shaking her head she walked around the room as she tried to banish the images from her waking mind.

Jack watched her from where he was seated on the sofa.

"There's nothing to eat here. Wanna go out and get something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Well I am. Wanna come watch me eat?" He persisted.

Sam turned to him smiling bemusedly at his completely Jack-like response.

"Gee, that sounds fun."

"Good! Let's go."

Giving her no room to change her mind, he crossed to the kitchen table and picked up Sam's jacket from the back of the chair. Handing it to her, he opened the door and all but dragged her out to the truck.

Sam ended up eating quite a bit after all. Jack ordered several appetizers that he knew she liked and smiled inwardly as she nibbled off the plates while he ate.

She verbally reviewed all they had done earlier that day, comparing the pros and cons of the different apartments she had looked at.

Finally coming up for air, there was a pause in the conversation as she pilfered a few of Jack's french fries.

"These are the best french fries I've ever eaten," San mumbled almost incoherently as she munched a large mouthful.

"I'm guessing they're the first french fries you've had since you got home," Jack mused, watching her stuffing them in her mouth.

"Oh, well, yeah, I guess so." Sam eyed his plate.

"You going to finish those?" She asked, pointing at his half-eaten pile of fried shrimp.

Jack wordlessly shoved the plate over to her.

"Carter, you pregnant or something?"

"Very funny, Jack. I haven't eaten that much."

"Of course not. Don't mind me," he added dramatically as she drank a swig of his beer.

"You know, you could've ordered, but I distinctly remember someone saying, 'I'm not hungry!'"

"You gonna eat that pickle?"

"This one in my hand on the way to my mouth?"

"Oh, sorry, sir."

Sam turned back to what was left of the shrimp.

Jack thought for a minute, shrugged, and handed her the pickle.

"Here. Just leave my drink alone."

"Thanks!"

Sam ate the pickle with great speed as Jack finished up.

"Ready to go, or did you want to order another plateful of something?"

"Ready, I guess," Sam said meekly.

"I can drive back to the base in my car from your house."

"Let me guess- and go have a snack in the commissary."

Sam rolled her eyes.

The days and then weeks went by. Although Sam fell swiftly back into the pattern of working at the SGC, enjoying her civilian status as a scientist, she was uncomfortable as soon as she left the base. The apartment didn't feel like home, and she found herself spending more and more time on base, sleeping in her quarters.

She had finally gotten hold of Pete and had the talk she had dreaded but knew they needed to have, but it only pushed her further into her downward spiral. She refused to meet with him face to face when he suggested it, even though she could hear the bitter regret in his voice. He needed closure, she could tell; he was just going to have to find it without seeing her.

She knew he was hurt by her refusal to see him, but she thought that would make it easier for both of them to move on and forget the past as quickly as possible.

She missed her team when they were away on missions, but surprisingly she had no desire to go through the Stargate with them. Doing anything the least bit risky or new became harder and harder to do, until she was paying rent for an apartment she barely saw. She'd even gotten into the habit of bringing her meals back to her lab or her quarters so she could be alone as much as possible.

Although she hadn't been cleared by Dr. Berkley for a return to active duty yet, Sam hadn't even pursued it.

O'Neill had assumed it was her medical clearance holding up her return to SG1, and had been surprised when the doctor told him it was actually Sam who seemed to be stalling. Jack had decided it was time for an honest talk with her.

"Hey, Carter," he called out as he sauntered into Sam's lab.

"Take a look at this report. It's for our next mission. This planet looks like geek heaven."

He tossed a folder on the table which Sam picked up and gave a few uninterested glances. She returned it to the tabletop and didn't comment.

"Wait, Carter- you didn't read it!"

"I can't believe it's YOU accusing me of not reading mission reports!" Sam teased, but continuing to work at her computer.

"I'd really like you along on this one. I know you'll love it."

"I know what you're trying to do, sir, and I appreciate it. I'm just not ready yet. I can just have a look at what you bring back, here in the lab."

"I won't KNOW what to bring back if you're not there."

"Daniel knows."

Carter was beginning to get an annoyed look.

"I miss you out there."

Sam stopped and looked up at that, recognizing how rare it was for Jack to take it to a personal level.

She was silent for a moment, unsure how to respond. But she didn't have to, for Jack continued.

"You may be happy with this desk job for a while, but I know you, and I can't believe you are just going to give up the Stargate. The only way to get over this is to push through it. I know from experience, trust me on this. Please, Sam."

"I can't." Her words were thick and forced.

Jack sighed and looked away, then back at her.  
"Sam. I'm sorry you got captured. And I'm so sorry we left you left behind. It shouldn't have happened. I've been over it and over it in my head so many times..."

"It's not your fault. Not anyone's fault, it just happened. But I don't think I can ever go through that again. And nobody can guarantee it won't happen again if I go through the Gate."

Sam teared up and couldn't say any more.

"Look. Hammond wants me to replace your spot on the team. But I don't want anyone else. I want you. And if you tell me to, I'll keep your spot open for as long as it takes for you to feel ready."

"Don't. Find someone else."

Sam was really crying now. She looked over at Jack, despair on her face.

"I'm telling you, I can't do it anymore." Jack's face was dark with disappointment.

"Yes you can," he said quietly.

Sam managed to stop the tears but couldn't answer or look at him.

Hating himself for pushing her, but feeling strongly that she was making the wrong decision, he walked around behind her and laid his hands on her shoulders.

"Please say you'll think about it some more."

Sam was silent and stared at the tabletop. She shrugged his hands off.

"Carter?"

"Can we just drop this for now and go get something to eat?"

"You bet, let's go."

Jack's voice was understanding, though a little sad, and he dropped his hands and moved to the door.

The walk to the mess was ominously quiet except for a few sniffles from Sam, lagging several steps behind the General. But by the time they sat down with a couple of lemonades and some sandwiches, Jack could see no evidence of Carter's crying spell. He felt guilty for being the cause of her distress, but the subject was now closed up tight and he didn't know how to approach her again.

That night, Jack couldn't sleep as he wrestled with how to deal with the whole situation with Sam. He paced, watched TV, played darts very badly and finally called Daniel.

Daniel had obviously been asleep when he answered. Without apology, Jack immediately began unloading his thoughts, ending by asking Daniel to talk to Carter about rejoining SG1.

Daniel brought him up short.

"Whoa, Jack. If she's made a decision, we owe it to her to respect that, after all she's been through. And did you ever think about the benefits of having Sam in a civilian position at the SGC? She's no longer military, Jack. She may eventually feel ready to go offworld, and then she will be able to as a civilian scientist. Look at me, I've been going through the Gate as a civilian since Day One. But until or even if that ever happens, is it really so bad for her to be here at the SGC, working as a civilian?"

Daniel let that thought sink in for a minute.

"That's something I hadn't really thought about, Daniel. But who can I get to replace Sam on the team? There isn't anyone who can fill her shoes. I depend on her out there, you know that, we all do."

"And yet, we've been operating without her for almost two years. You want us to go back to the way things used to be. Sam may be afraid of going off world, but what are you afraid of? Why can't you accept that things have changed?"

"She's no longer military," Jack mused distractedly, to himself.

"Is that scaring you?" Daniel asked, not sure if that was an answer to his question or just a revelatory comment.

"No! Yes. I don't know."

"Well then."

"Thanks, Danny boy. You know, you sound tired. You should get some sleep, y'know?"

"Riiiight. G'night, Jack."

* * *

Sam was just leaving her lab to go home the next evening when Jack bounded in the doorway, out of breath from trying to catch her before she left.

She squared her shoulders to face him, feeling a bit defensive, and definitely not looking forward to round two of the Gate debate.

He backed up into the hallway as she walked out and turned her back on him to lock her lab door.  
"Sam, got a few minutes?"

"As long as you're not here to try to make me change my mind. I don't even want to hear the word 'Stargate' come out of your mouth right now. I've put a lot of thought into.."

"I'm not. It's just that Daniel and I had a talk last night, and I'm beginning to see there are some good things, you know, pluses, to you staying on as a civilian scientist." Jack was heading in the direction of the commissary and Sam followed, curious to hear more.

"Like?"

Sam turned into the door of the commissary and sat down at the nearest table. Jack sat down opposite her and leaned across the table with an earnest gaze.

"Well, you can go on missions when you want to, and you feel ready. Daniel's a civilian and he's been going through the Gate -"

"Hey- you said the word 'Gate.'"

"But I didn't say 'Stargate'!"

"Now you did!"

Sam gave him a defiant stare, but after a moment she continued.

"So, what other pluses?"

"You can study what we bring back, work with us to plan new missions, you know, still be there to help save the world from here on Earth."

Jack paused for a minute, looking at her cautiously, unsure how to say the rest.

"But, you won't be military anymore."

"And that's a plus because..." Sam looked up at him coyly, understanding dawning on her face, which encouraged Jack to continue.

"Because you won't be in my chain of command anymore. You won't be under military regulations at all."

"I know that. So why is that..." Jack interrupted her before she could finish.

"Well, then we can, I don't know, go out or something?"

There, he'd said it, no matter how awkwardly it had come out. He couldn't look at her, though.

"As in... a date?".

"I was thinking along the lines of a lot of dates."

He looked up hopefully then, with a tentative smile, and found Sam grinning brightly at him, on the edge of a giggle.

"What?" Jack retorted.

"I thought you were coming here to try to talk me into going back to active duty. You really aren't upset about my going civilian? Because it's what I want to do, I'm sure of it now. I never thought I'd feel this way, but I do. I'm not the same person I was back before I was captured and lost. I've changed, Jack. I hope you can accept that."

"I can, Sam. Things have changed, I know that. Look, I'm sorry about pressuring you yesterday. After all you've been through, I should have understood how you felt."

Sam's face melted into a warm smile and she put her hand on his arm.

"So, why did you change your mind?" She looked into his eyes as she asked the question, and leaning forward across the table, she slowly closed the distance between them. Jack noticed her advance and reached for her.

"Because I realized now I can do this," he said quietly, leaning in and kissing her softly.

"And this," he continued, reaching into his pocket and pulling out two hockey tickets. Sam's mouth opened in a round 'O' as she reacted to the kiss and the tickets.

"Let's go!" She said enthusiastically, pulling at his arm as she saw the tickets were for that evening.

"Game starts at 1900 tonight- pretty sure of yourself, weren't you?" Sam commented.

Jack answered by confidently and very intentionally kissing her again and then taking her arm as they walked off together. Their future was changed for good.

EPILOGUE

The sun glanced on the water, churned to restless waves by a brisk October wind. Sam pulled her sweater up to her chin and wrapped her arms around her knees as she watched the figure of a man out by the shore of the lake, in the act of expertly casting a fishing line. The tranquility of the wilderness all around her had seeped into her slowly as she had contently watched him from afar. But now, as the sun sank lower in the sky, the wind was making her shiver.

She stood up and shook herself out, stiff from the cold.

"I think it's time to give up, don't you Jack? Let's go get some fish at the restaurant."

Jack stood on the bank a moment longer, then began calmly packing up and reeling in his line.

He made his way up the bank to where she stood, shivering, and wrapped a warm arm around her shoulders to continue the walk up to the cabin.

"You gave up more easily than I thought you would," Sam teased, her arm stealing around his waist.

"Well, I've already landed my prize catch," Jack smiled, and squeezed her shoulders affectionately as they meandered along.

Sam grinned widely, and looked down at her left hand for another peek at the gorgeous light-filled diamond glistening on her ring finger.

Yes, he had.


End file.
